the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
