That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
