saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
