I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
