I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
