Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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