i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
