My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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