You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
