so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize