i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
