she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
