I murdered the dance floor call the cops
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize