I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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