Farmville is her only friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
