i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it penis luge time yet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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