she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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