I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
