So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
