so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I take back everything I said about communal showers
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
