I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize