I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
