I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
