i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
