He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
