and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
