The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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