i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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