Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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