It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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