apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
