This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
