I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
