I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We need to get me chipped asap
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
