She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize