We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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