we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
