woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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