God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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