i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is Oprah even human
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
