Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
