i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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