I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
