I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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