yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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