What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize