it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize