oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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