I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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