walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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