I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
