I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
