What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
