Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
