she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
