oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
