So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
