im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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