Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
