he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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