Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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