I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
