I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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