I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
