Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
