My hand turned me down
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
