I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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