he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
