Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We're too hungover to prance.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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