I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
where does the pee come out of this thing
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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