Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
