I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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