apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
