So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
