Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
