I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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