Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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