omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
