It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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