I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize