dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
