Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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