and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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