My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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