Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
