4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
