So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
