I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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