Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
