We named our party play list daddy issues
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
