He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
