UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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