thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize