You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
